2021.10.28 05:16 dirtyharrison Elite Kek
|submitted by dirtyharrison to TopConspiracy [link] [comments]|
2021.10.28 05:16 needlelacemaster Easy Baby Blanket Crochet Knitting Pattern Flower Motif
|submitted by needlelacemaster to KnittingLoveChannel [link] [comments]|
2021.10.28 05:16 deepbrewedflavah Moved from a boring small city to one of the gayest cities in the country and hating it. Am I crazy for wanting to move back?
I moved to a big, gay friendly city for the first time earlier this year in my mid-30s. I sold my house in a small city, the biggest city in one of the shittier states (US), and moved to a big gay metropolis on one of the coasts. I went from a metro population of about 750k to a metro population in the millions. There was this initial honeymoon period after moving here and I felt this huge sense of pride and accomplishment at being able to live somewhere big and "important" like I'd always wanted to. Living somewhere where gays are more numerous and more visible felt liberating. I felt free to start hooking up more and was so excited to finally have my slut phase and having more gay bars to go to and all these other things that I thought I was missing out all these years.
I've been pretty disappointed. I've tried hooking up and, on the few occasions I've managed to follow through, I hated every minute of it. I just can't get comfortable with some other guy touching me and touching the other guy honestly feels like work. Sucking dick is tedious and uncomfortable and receiving it does nothing for me. Topping feels like a chore and bottoming doesn't feel as good as toys. The other guy inevitably says or does something that annoys me and I find myself wishing I'd just stayed home and jerked off. I am incredibly ashamed of this and feel like a complete failure as a gay man (or any sort of man) but the thought of having sex again fills me with dread. This has been consistent with my experiences with sex before moving here so I don't know why I'm surprised.
I went to a few bars and hated it. Something about the sexually charged, competitive atmosphere is just completely off-putting to me and I kind of shut down. I'm not great at meeting new people in any context but it sure as hell isn't going to happen in one of those places. I hate the feeling of being evaluated for sexual desirability and found lacking. Or worse, to have someone interested but not be interested in them and have to deal with trying to be polite without leading them on. I also see a lot of likely gay men at the gym and I hate the feeling of being looked at. Even if it's positive attention, and the guy makes eye contact or whatever like he's interested, I just hate it. I hate how every setting with enough gay men seems to turn into a meat market. Again, I feel like a failure for feeling this way. When looking for gyms I saw discussions about which gyms are "gay gyms" or which have the best eye candy and I feel like a complete failure as a gay man for not appreciating these things but the last thing I want to think about when working out is how hot the other gym patrons are and how desirable I am to them.
I spend some time on dating apps and I felt like I was talking to the same types of guys as back home, only here there's just more of each type. That and there's a level of arrogance and an unpleasant attitude that I didn't encounter nearly as much back home. Lots of always-on, Type A, status-conscious, career driven types. Don't get me wrong, I like guys who have their shit together but I don't need the first two things I learn about every. single. guy to be his alma mater and job, especially when college was 15 years ago for him and neither are as impressive as he seems to think. I've realized that I'm not really dating material right now, maybe not ever. Actually seriously considering dating for the first time made me realize I have a ton of work to do before I have any business attempting it so I'm suddenly a lot less concerned about my ability to find a boyfriend. Honestly, there were plenty of attractive and interesting guys on the apps back home, and I generally had a much easier time having pleasant conversations with them, so if I were capable of dating I'd probably have better luck back there anyway.
I hate that I can't enjoy hookups or gay bars or any of the other shit that seems normal for gay men. I hate that I can't tell where my valid personal preferences end and internalized homophobia and other baggage begins. I've talked to some guys in the past who have been less than sympathetic to my inability to just go out and have fun and I feel pretty self-conscious about it. It seems like there's this expectation that we're supposed to be fun and adventurous, sexually or otherwise, and my inability to enjoy sex or have fun and party is some kind of unacceptable shortcoming in a gay man. I almost feel like I don't even deserve to be here and I should go rot in some backwater and leave the fun cities to braver, more interesting gays who are capable of more than wasting time on Grindr.
I'm not sure what's left for me here now that the proximity to other gay men no longer seems like a plus. I honestly just do not really care all that much about food so the increased variety of restaurants here isn't a huge plus. There's obviously more to do here but I didn't take full advantage of all the opportunities of the last city I lived in so that's not a huge concern. There's great public transportation but I don't mind driving. I've actually been pretty sad that I don't get to drive much here since driving in the city and the surrounding suburbs is a nightmare. I don't mind taking public transportation but the thought of having to walk through the snow to get to the train in a couple months is not appealing.
I spend a lot of time at home feeling guilty for not getting out more. I live in a new construction "luxury" apartment and I hate it. I hate the constant noise, the constant smell of weed in the hallways, the feeling of never really feeling alone. I hate having to go fetch my packages and food deliveries from a concierge rather than just picking it up off my doorstep and being obligated to greet this person every time I come home, even if I've had a shitty time and just want to ignore everyone and go straight up to my apartment and go to bed. I get woken up in the middle of the night by noise from the loading dock for the first floor retail underneath my apartment and my one window looks out over an interior courtyard containing a dog park so I get to see people's dogs shitting all day and hear them out there chatting outside my window at all hours. I hate paying a small fortune every month for a small living space that, for all its amenities and fake high end finishes, feels shittier and less comfortable than the $600/mo place I had a decade ago when my pre-tax income was less than my current rent.
My job decided that they don't NEED us to return to the office next year (or whenever they reopen) after all so I'll be working fully remotely no matter where I am. It's getting harder and harder to ignore the voice in my head that's telling me I'd be better off leaving. I could save so much money and be closer to everyone I care about and have such a better living situation for so much less money.
I keep thinking about my old house and how much I miss it. I put most of my stuff that can't be easily replaced in storage and I want my things back damn it. I feel bad for being so attached to what amounts to a bunch of old junk but I can't help but miss all the furniture, art, books, records, etc that I collected over the past 15 years or so. I keep looking at houses in the city I just left and places with a similar cost of living and thinking "Jesus, what the fuck am I doing here if I could have a place like that and have all my shit in it and turn it into whatever I want it to be?" I've started looking at real estate listings in my old city and places like it and fantasizing about buying a place and getting the hell out of here. I know from experience that I enjoy home ownership, I still have all the tools and yard equipment I bought for the last house in storage, and I could have everything I want and more, maybe even a fucking pool, for half what I'm paying for rent (or even less). If I really needed more culture or more dick I could afford to travel regularly with the money I'd be saving.
The only real thing that worries me about moving back would be moving to a much worse political environment. Then again, it never really impacted me that much and I'm more worried about long term political and cultural shifts that will potentially affect the whole country, not just one state. And maybe I can make more of a difference with my vote, time, and money there than I could somewhere like this place.
I'm so conflicted. Moving to place like this is something I've wanted my entire adult life and now that I have it I feel so ungrateful for hating it so much. I also know that this is my last chance at something like this. If I bail now then I know I'm not going to make a move like this again. I'll probably move SOMEWHERE else eventually but it's not going to be a big exciting expensive city like this. Leaving would mean giving up on the fantasy city life I always imagined for myself and letting go of this idealized vision of myself as being some sophisticated urbanite with an exciting, active life. Then again, maybe that's ok. This place really isn't the completely different world I thought it would be and the people generally aren't any better. It doesn't have the same problems, but it has just as many problems. And I'm still the same person and I brought all my problems with me.
I'm not going to take any action just yet but I'm heading down for Thanksgiving in a few weeks and I'm strongly tempted to look at some houses while I'm down there. I've been feeling more and more depressed and feeling this creeping sense of dread lately and actually entertaining the idea of leaving has given me this tremendous sense of relief.
Am I completely defective? Am I crazy for wanting to move back home (or a place like it) when I have what could be a once in a lifetime opportunity to experience life in a big, vibrant, gay city? Has anyone moved away from a big city to somewhere less gay and regretted it (or not)? Does anyone here live in smaller city (or even small town) in a relatively backwards region and NOT feel the pull of bigger, gayer cities?
submitted by deepbrewedflavah to AskGaybrosOver30 [link] [comments]
2021.10.28 05:16 CompilationCave Can a level 150 Spinosaurus beat all of Ark's Carnivores?
|submitted by CompilationCave to ARK [link] [comments]|
2021.10.28 05:16 hugh_gerection8 People of AskReddit, how does it feel to have just lost the game?
2021.10.28 05:16 bricktop0 Jessica rabbit
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2021.10.28 05:16 YesterdayEfficient34 Please help
I am new here . I need a medical professional talk for free whenever I need to vent out something . I have no real life friend . No one even to talk too .
submitted by YesterdayEfficient34 to MentalHealthSupport [link] [comments]
2021.10.28 05:16 MagicPeach1970 Looking for the bewitched hat I'll tarde u a post teen Robin for that
|submitted by MagicPeach1970 to AdoptMeTrading [link] [comments]|
2021.10.28 05:16 VisualSuspect Κυκλοφορεί στις 16 Δεκεμβρίου το Five Nights at Freddy’s: Security Breach
2021.10.28 05:16 rinoallathif "TrippyBLCKPNKedition 3" released, check out this item before hype
|submitted by rinoallathif to NFT [link] [comments]|
2021.10.28 05:16 HeStoleMyBalloons Quebec City
|submitted by HeStoleMyBalloons to CityPorn [link] [comments]|
2021.10.28 05:16 VerySmallKitten JProperties: A modern replacement for java.util.Properties
2021.10.28 05:16 Helpful-Future2184 Cities in Flight - They Shall Have Stars by James Blish
2021.10.28 05:16 avorciination Does Anki on iOS support answering Image Occlusion cards?
2021.10.28 05:16 a8ree AKS with Windows containers - experiences
Just wondering what peoples experiences are running Windows containers on AKS are? Any significant issues opposed to running Linux? Any gotchas that would be useful to know?
Would be interested to know before planning in to deliver in a production environment
submitted by a8ree to AZURE [link] [comments]
2021.10.28 05:16 KCTurkeyTL 🔥KuCoin'de Oraichain Mainnet Kutlaması: 3.500 ORAI Paylaşılacak!
⏰28 Ekim 2021'de 13:00:00 - 4 Kasım 2021'de 13:00:00
submitted by KCTurkeyTL to kucointurkey [link] [comments]
2021.10.28 05:16 BinaryOptionAlliance 🐕🏀 $ShibaBalls 🐕🏀 | 10% rewards in $SHIB every hour 💰| Fair Launched 🤝| Liquidity Locked 🔒| 100x potential or more 🚀 | Anti Whale 🐋 | For more information please join our Telegram
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100,000,000,000 Total supply
50% of the tokens are burned to ensure more token value
2% max wallet to ensure no whales
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3% to locked liquidity pool
5% to marketing and buyback
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submitted by BinaryOptionAlliance to AllCryptoBets [link] [comments]
2021.10.28 05:16 Sleepyrider123 NNN is coming up, who’s excited?
2021.10.28 05:16 Tao_Dragon Száznegyvenhárom méter, amely megváltoztatja Budapestet
|submitted by Tao_Dragon to hungary [link] [comments]|
2021.10.28 05:16 Aelthalas From Abalathia to your heart
|submitted by Aelthalas to ffxiv [link] [comments]|
2021.10.28 05:16 Born-Capital-143 EUW LF DUO Comet Poke Maokai LF Comet Poke Miss Fortune
I picked up maokai since a long time 1 week ago and im at 61% winrate in 120 games with him now.
Found my biggest success with poke mf in lane. Im Diamond 3
submitted by Born-Capital-143 to MissFortuneMains [link] [comments]
2021.10.28 05:16 Pedalsticks Joined the club - any tips?
Novice, but not completely ignorant... I've built a couple of PCs and have set up OpenVPN access to my NAS, it was finicky, and have several devices synched to my NAS. Goal with this for me was another layer of security, monitor traffic, be able set some more specific rules, potentially access my network remotely and a little more securely and easily.
Current setup a Netgear RAX120, QNAP NAS w/remote access and most apps disabled, 5 laptops (2 are for wife and I's jobs and one is for kid's school), 2 tablets, 2 Xboxes and our phones. QNAP, Xbox are the only hard wired devices ATM.
I was planning on putting the firewalla between the wireless router and the fiber modem initially and setting up some rules by device, but seeing as I have more options I'm curious how my betters would structure it physically and virtually.
submitted by Pedalsticks to firewalla [link] [comments]
2021.10.28 05:16 Feisty-Suggestion-52 🐕 MiniCuteDoge 📈 | Just Launched | Next BabyDoge | 🚀 Highest Holder Rewards Ever ✅ | BuyBack Function 💯| BSC GEM 💎|
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2021.10.28 05:16 GammaCompanyMarcus So Gadogai is like... the coolest elite ever.
SPOILERS FOR DIVINE WIND
SPOILERS FOR DIVINE WIND
SPOILERS FOR DIVINE WIND
So I'm on chapter seven and I just read Gadogai's story, he reminds me so much of the Arbiter from legends. His story of how he's been training to gain the skills necessary to save his beloved from his atch nemesis Kaidon. He's so goddamn cool. He's so GODDAMN COOL.
Samurai Elite Samurai Elite
submitted by GammaCompanyMarcus to HaloStory [link] [comments]
2021.10.28 05:16 dreamgirlSophia Get Custom Commercial Signage in Calgary
|submitted by dreamgirlSophia to Marketinghelps [link] [comments]|